And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
