my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
