THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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