I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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