You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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