Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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