I showed him my bush... on skype.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
