tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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