hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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