i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
