I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
