my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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