i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
