omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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