also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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