I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
In America we eat man semen.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I think I just sharted jello shots
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