Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
