were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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