Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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