you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
