I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize