Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
