hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
