to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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