Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
