Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
