good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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