i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
