Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
tell me about the fingering
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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