he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
