i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Alive.
So much puke
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
