Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
