dude i'm inner monologue high
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize