So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Randomize
