if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
