a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
