I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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