u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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