I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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