woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
