my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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