She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
