morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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