Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
