My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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