Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Randomize
