Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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