Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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