Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
