Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
