walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
