How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
