im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
