Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
