Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
