I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
