just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
