EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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